My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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