i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm at about main and main street
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
