I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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