So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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