just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
