That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
