If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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