i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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