So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
