Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
