I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
