Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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