Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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