He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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