Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
