i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
how does that bad decision feel?
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