You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
