I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
