By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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