I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
