So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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