I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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