do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize