This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
