I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Farmville is her only friend.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
