so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize