Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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