I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
