the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
