He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
