i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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