I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
