Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
