Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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