woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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