Kiss
Puke
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
