so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
