when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
