How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
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ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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