haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
