I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix