The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
