I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Someone shattered a urinal.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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