Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
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since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
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Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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