Swine flu. Run for my life!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My penis needs a shock collar
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
