i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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