Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
