So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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