No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
