i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
grandma shit on top of the toilet
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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