don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
