I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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