Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
