If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
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I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
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I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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