No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
