We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
