You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
