Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
