your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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