i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
