my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So many bounce houses so little time
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
